Not just one episode, mind you, but twenty in all, from Episode 25 to Episode 44.
I know, it’s a lot for a little lad like me to recap. But would you rather I do the job or get my brother to do it? If it’s the latter, then you’ll have to put up with Sa-ran screencaps galore because my brother is nothing if not smitten with his girl. But me? I give you what you see above. Because my brother sees me in the buff all the time (me in the buff, not him, sorry), I thought I’ll return the favor. But promise not to tell my dad, okay? He’s a prickly one.
Speaking of Dad, did you know he got possessed by the ghost of some gisaeng? No kidding! It happened one night when he woke up to pee. Said ghost entered Dad’s body and he started pissing like a woman and dancing like some gisaeng school dropout. Freaked the hell out of me. My
fur hair was standing on end, y’all. Maybe yours will, too, when you read about the shenanigans that have been happening in my part of the woods. It’s like everyone’s gone batty. Everyone but me.
I want to start my recap with a preface of sorts. I’m still a wee one, y’all. So don’t expect me to make a lot of sense. After all, sense has been pretty scanty of late in the story that I’m about to relate. Another thing. You may not think me capable of insight since I’m so young, but I see more than you realize. Events unfolding before me and beyond me. I see a lot.
For instance, and I say this affectionately, I can see that my dad’s a huge sissy. He may act like he’s some god at work and at home, but deep down he’s just an insecure little boy who wants to be mothered. When Mom won a dare and made Dad wear a wig, he really didn’t have to, y’know. Because Mom went out so she wouldn’t have known if Dad donned the wig or not. But you know what? Dad went and wore it anyway. Really, he needs to stop doing things that scare the shit out of me. I’m going to grow up with issues, I tell ya.
By the way, did you know Dad’s been feeding me dried pollack? What does he think I am, a cat? Fine then, I’ll just pretend to be one and hiss at him. Because much as he adores me and I him (the feeling’s greater on Dad’s part admittedly), he was behaving like a total thug toward Sa-ran. Trying to drive her and my brother apart. Not just blowing his top when he found out that Sa-ran was THE ONE, but going to extreme lengths to deny my brother a livelihood.
My poor brother Da-mo. How you have suffered. Giving up your comfy bedroom to go sleep in a room where lizards are non-existent, all of them having expired before their prime because of noxious gases swirling inside the room every night. Doing everything you could to win back the heart of your Sa-ran, the woman that you dumped so unceremoniously on your birthday. When it seemed like you were about to succeed, what did she do? Decide to have her hair raised by some obscenely wealthy movie boss.
That whole hair-raising business? I, Andre, could not make head or tail of it. The only thing I can tell you is that it went on for far too long. Is she or isn’t she? Back and forth, back and forth. It sure got everyone flapping, but the one who flapped the most was of course my dear brother. And then, when it seemed Da-mo had no choice but to accept Sa-ran’s decision, what did he do?
Hyung, I’ve got to hand it to you. You DA MAN.
Copious amounts of tears later, and some blood, all was well again between my brother and Sa-ran.
Everyone was giddily happy, everyone except Dad. So what did my brother do in order to show Dad who da boss? Moved all his belongings out of the house, everything including that HUGE photo of himself half-naked. My brother, he’s into the details.
To cut a long story short (because I, Andre, am not into the details; some of them bore me to death on account of how random and repetitious they are), Da-mo won and Dad lost. Our family grew by one and everyone was giddily happy, again.
Well, everyone minus two. On the day of the wedding, Sa-ran’s mom and dad got into a small accident and landed up in the hospital. Which posed a tricky problem: Who was going to walk Sa-ran down the aisle? Who should she and Da-mo pay their respect to, when it was time to bow to her parents? All eyes promptly turned toward Dr. Geum and his newly acquired wife, the former head chef of Buyonggak. So it transpired that on her biggest day, Sa-ran bowed before her real parents who didn’t know they were her real parents and thought they were merely standing in for her fake parents whom everyone thought were her real parents.
It’s an omen, I tell ya, an omen. It’s also more drama than I, Andre, can handle on one day.
Anyway, the wedding proceeded swimmingly, which was such a relief. Everyone was blue in the face holding their breaths for the nuptials to be over because there was no telling what new obstacle might spring up to thwart my brother’s happiness.
Maybe all the excitement did eventually get to Da-mo and Sa-ran because… Oh, I can’t even bring myself to tell you what happened on their wedding night. You know, I have no other sibling except Da-mo and I idolize him with every bit of my little being. Not only is he handsome (the two of us come from good-looking genes although you wouldn’t have guessed it looking at my dad), he’s masculine to boot. So how do you account for this?
It’s the reason I’m seeing a shrink these days. And why I scamper off in the opposite direction when he comes home and calls for me. Wretched memory, die!
But it wasn’t just Da-mo acting totally out of character on the night that he was supposed to consummate his love for his bride, it was Sa-ran acting totally in character when she was supposed to yield to said consummation. Because Sa-ran, she can be standoffish, we’ve seen that. But when one’s been through hell for love, shouldn’t one forget all of one’s inhibitions? Instead of doing what any sane woman would when face to face on a bed with the likes of my brother, Sa-ran started acting all coy and prudish.
Really, even though I’m still a wee lad, I know a stupid wedding night when I see one. Dear brother and dear sister-in-law, I have only one question: Whatever possessed the two of you?
Thankfully the marriage was consummated eventually and continue to be consummated gleefully, judging from the skip in my brother’s steps every day. The guy’s as aglow as a thousand fireflies captive in a bottle.
As for Sa-ran, she spends her days now feeding the family and behaving generally like some nutritionist during meal times. Girl forgot she majored in dance and not food.
Did I tell you what Da-mo and Sa-ran did to get Dad to agree to them moving back into the house? Knowing what I mean to Dad, and to make him eat humble pie so that he would have to accept living under the same roof as the daughter-in-law that he despised, they kidnapped me! You see now why I’ve increased my sessions with my shrink to twice a week? Yes, Dad’s footing the bill but I’m the goddamned one on the couch!
Anyway, life’s more or less settled now in my family. There’s still that thing about Sa-ran’s parentage, but I know my brother’s going to get it all sorted out. He’s a smart one, Da-mo. Hire an acting extra to pretend to be Sa-ran’s real mom so that she can go to Ra-ra’s house and ask if anyone’s been to the house the last twenty-five years looking for the baby that was abandoned? Brilliant idea. Now pray hard for the stars to align so that the right people would be at the house when the fake mom comes a-calling. But dang, of all times to be out of the house, the grandmother had to choose that moment. And of all times to visit, Ra-ra’s mom (the one who birthed her, not the one now presiding over Buyonggak) had to choose that hour. Stars, you have no heart!
So maybe it’ll take all of the remaining six episodes for Sa-ran to meet her real parents. No, don’t
bail stop reading now. You’ve followed the story for forty-four episodes, what’s another six more? No, that does not feel like an eternity; exaggeration does not become you. Anyway, don’t you want to know if I’ll become an uncle soon?
While we wait for Sa-ran’s story to run its course, I must tell you about Ra-ra. So she was about to be wedded and was busying herself with wedding preparations while her mama’s boy of a groom sat back and lifted not one finger. After learning that Ra-ra was not the biological daughter of Dr. Geum, the future mom-in-law made her son go on a matchmaking date. Of course Ra-ra and her friends bumped into him feeding said date at the restaurant and of course Ra-ra threw a hissy fit. End of wedding.
“No one loves me. Everyone has betrayed me. Waahh, I’m going to be a gisaeng!”
Sweet and formerly spirited Ra-ra depositing herself and luggage at the doorstep of Buyonggak, to everyone’s collective chagrin. Declaring that she was sick of the world and would henceforth devote herself to the gisaeng house owned by the mom who raised her. Guess who coincidentally decided to move into Buyonggak at the same time? Yes, none other than Kyle from Assorted Gems.
So even though Da-mo and Sa-ran have left, Buyonggak is still as happening as before. And of course Kyle will fall in love with Ra-ra. And become her chauffeur, like he was someone’s chauffeur previously. And show off some mean wakeboarding skills, too. And… to top it off, even make mention of a certain lead in Assorted Gems, saying Seo Young-guk might drop in at Buyonggak one of these days. And so now people who want to bail (out of New Gisaeng Story) have no choice but to stick around just in case Seo Young-guk pops up unannounced.
Go ahead, scream.
But all’s not lost. Guess who’s getting married next? No, not Kyle and Ra-ra. One piggyback ride does not a marriage make; work at it, dude. You have a ways to go before we forget how you played us out one drama ago.
I don’t sound like Andre anymore? Says who? Do you know me like my brother knows me? The last time I checked, I was still very much Andre to him.
Back to what I was saying earlier. Next to get hitched (or at least planning to get hitched, parents’ objections be damned) are Sohn Ja (now renamed Geum Ja) and Gong-joo. Yay! There’s still that little back-history to be resolved (remember how someone’s mom staggered drunk into some toilet and proceeded to pee on someone else’s mom?), but I’m betting the two lovebirds will find a way somehow.
Wait. Not quite lovebirds yet, actually. It’s supposed to be a sham marriage so that Gong-joo can be freed from her mom’s shackles. (I know, I did the obligatory eye-roll as well.) So absolutely no skinship, declares our girl to a despondent Ja. Well, we’ll see how long that rule lasts. Let’s have some hot passion on the wedding night, okay? Do not simply sit and stare at each other.
So there you have it, my recap. Twenty episodes in 2,000 words. Not bad, eh? (Terrible recap, Andre! You left out so many important scenes!) Especially since I’m not given to much
yapping chatter normally. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to look for my dad and jump into his arms. Hmm, shouldn’t he be home by now? Wait, I hear the phone ringing. My brother’s picking it up. His face has turned ashen. What is going on? What else is going to rock Andre’s world now?