On May 17, I asked TP readers to define (or redefine) a kdrama, so as to more aptly describe this addiction that shows no signs of waning. The funniest definition would win a $50 Yesasia gift certificate.
Twelve entries, sixty-three comments, and peals of laughter later, we have a winner!
Jae, your definition had my two guest judges clutching their sides. In fact, I think I can hear them still chuckling away. 😆 Congratulations!
Korean Drama [-noun; origins: South Korea, in three goddamn companies that are run either by idiots or sadists who enjoy subjecting Previously Practical People into watching the Greatest K-Drama Ever, and therefore enslaving their minds for all eternity into hunting for another K-Drama to beat this one, and when they do, they turn into something that belongs in a cage with monkeys that have a similar obsession in searching for lice, so that these Previously Practical People are forevermore stuck with monkeys in a cage being laughed at by Regular Practical People while they become a hairy, fat, beast with a severe disposition at being disturbed when the OTP are about to kiss, or anything about Damo appears, or while reading recaps, etc. ]
1. A television series.
2. A highly dangerous drug whose symptoms include screaming, wailing, baggy eyes, severe temperaments, depression, ecstasy, heart disease (or something similar), procrastination, severe social and mental decline, physical decline from alcohol, food, lack of sleep and hygiene, etc., obsessiveness [with various actors, and occasionally actresses, and OTPs, to the result where said drug addict ventures on a bloody crusade to convert everyone she or he knows into swallowing this drug so that a similar love may be shared from a monkey cage]. This drug is highly addictive, and impossible to recover from. No cure is to be found.
3. Fucking crack, dude.
4. You want to know what a Korean Drama is? Okay. Fine. Your funeral. Seriously though. In no way will I take any responsibility if this definition tempts you to step into that dark abyss where you’ll stay trapped forever. Anyways. Let’s say you were living in a primitive village somewhere in the heart of Africa. You’ve never encountered “regular” civilization before. All you know is war paint, wild whooping, and giant-ass wild tusk roasted boars (or something of the like, anyways). Then one day, a white man comes to your village. He acts like an idiot and enjoys poking your people with a stick, but he comes with a gift. It’s an ugly brown thing that’s square and hard, but turns into this soft melty brownish puddle of goo when left in the heat too long. It’s remarkably similar to the stuff that comes out of your ass when you ate something wrong. Anyways, he offers it to you. You take it. You look at it. You turn it over in your hands. You ask, “What the hell is this?” You give it back to him. He frowns, and forces it back to you. You become more curious. Why is he so insistent in having you take this?
He motions for you to bite it.
At first, it’s like, “Hell no. I’m not eating any of your white man crap, you idiot. What’s wrong with you?”
Then he takes it. Bites into it. His face relaxes, and it tells you that this man thinks the brown stuff is something good. Food? Good? Your instincts scream for you to stop, but it’s too late. You’ve bitten into the brown thing. Your brain starts to whir. It stops, then whirs again. Your heart pounds like the war drums you hear when one tribe leader’s slapped your tribe leader.
Holy fucking mother of god.
You ask for more. He gives you more. You eat it greedily. For several months, the strange white man supplies you with the brown stuff. You can’t stop eating it. Then he runs out.
First, you continue to ask for more, in denial. There has to more, goddammit. How can there not be more? It sinks in. There is no more. And what’s more, you’ve now gotten fat from having done nothing all day except eat the brown stuff. You live in mothereffing Africa. You can’t get fat. Your tribe makes fun of you. All of your potential mates have run off. Your parents are disappointed. But you don’t care. YOU NEED MORE OF THIS STUFF. So you embark on a quest to search for more of this brown stuff. You say goodbye to your village. Then you walk, hand in hand with the strange white man, to his country, where there’s a whole city made out of this brown stuff.
At first, it’s heaven.
You can’t stop eating. Some of the things you eat don’t taste as good as the first brown stuff you ate. Some of them are remarkably close to shit. But you eat. And eat. Eventually, you start getting depressed. Most of what you’re eating doesn’t taste too good. Some of it IS shit. Then you see another block of brown stuff, labeled Godiva.
You’ve sunk in again.
This is the cycle you live in. You will live in this cycle for the rest of your life. It doesn’t matter if your family is gone or you’ve become the fattest human being on Earth. You have what you need. And that thing is the brown stuff. Or what the white man calls chocolate.
So, symbolism understood? A Korean Drama is chocolate.
That is hands down the most hysterical definiton of a kdrama ever. No wonder it was the judges’ unanimous pick! Thundie’s Prattle will be writing to you soon, Jae. Happy shopping at Yesasia!
Thank you to everyone who participated. You are all such good sports and so incredibly witty. I had a blast reading your definitions.
Hugs to my judges, blue and bella, the two special ladies behind one of my favoritest kdrama blogs, Electric Ground. I’m always enlightened and entertained whenever I visit their blog. Do check it out if you have not done so.
Enjoy your weekend, everyone!